Satirical news source The Onion posted this great article today about the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA).

Not quite reality, but not far off…

Brothers Nelson and James Hawkins (pictured above) make their estebanwasEATEN.com debut with Coney, an ode to to a family friend who has a strange obsession with coney sauce.

Apparently coney sauce is a pretty popular hot dog condiment, though I still haven’t found anyone else who has even heard of it. 

Anyway, check out their song Coney below if you’re in the mood for something a little special.

OK - no one lied, they just kind of forgot to tell us about one minor detail.

I am surprised that I only found this out a couple of days ago - Feist did not write her massively successful single “1234”.

The song was written by Melbourne, Australia native Sally Seltmann, who records under the name New Buffalo. Feist’s people did a great job of hiding this, and why shouldn’t they? It can only help.

Seltmann simply said that the song didn’t fit on her most recent album and that she does not regret giving it away. “I think that Feist made this the song that it is because of the way she performed it. I just love that I can continue to do my own stuff with New Buffalo but give songs to other people as well.”

OK - I’m calling bullshit on this one.

While Seltmann received a writing credit on the song, she did NOT get a world tour, placement in Apple iPod and eBay advertisements, a grammy nomination, or an international career.

Check out the New Buffalo track Emotional Champ below. While I like it a lot, most artists have quite a difficult time recreating another tune with the same kind of mass appeal and success as “1234”.

After two years of fighting the Queen’s Commerce system with everything I had, I finally caved. I recently applied for an interview with Cadbury as a marketing intern, the equivalent of an associate brand manager. After a 45-minute on-campus interview, the candidate pool was narrowed down to only four of us. Last Wednesday, Cadbury brought us in to its Toronto headquarters to meet its marketing team and to participate in 2nd round interviews, which consisted of two more 45-minute interviews. We were pleasantly surprised when a white stretch limousine (courtesy of Cadbury) picked us up early Wednesday morning for the ride to Toronto and back. The recruiting process is lengthy, admittedly stressful, but altogether VERY exciting. Besides, this pales in comparison to the preparation and dedication that is necessary to participate in finance and consulting interviews.

Cadbury is certainly quite different from the labels and music publishing firms of New York and Toronto that I’ve been a part of in the past. Upon hearing that I was interviewing for a more traditional line of work, a lot of classmates and friends couldn’t understand why I was doing this. The question, “so, you’re giving up on music?” has been put before me more than once. Without burning any bridges or limiting any future opportunities, I want to try and explain my decision (which was not an easy one).

I never tire of hearing “man, you’re so lucky!” or “I’m so jealous that you got to work for a label in NEW YORK!” But at the end of the day, the music business is simply just that: a BUSINESS. There is little glitz and even less glamour. Its glory days are over; the golden age has passed. This is fact, not a mater of opinion. I have heard this many times from people with far more experience in the industry than I. That said, the industry is in a time of change and with any big change comes opportunity. Unfortunately, I do not see a relevant place in the industry for someone like me at the moment. I have invested a lot of time and effort (not to mention money) in a degree program that I intend to take full advantage of. I am not giving up on anything. I am not selling out (a phrase that is usually used without much thought, in my opinion).

In a lot of ways, working for an organization like Cadbury is far more appealing (and MUCH more exciting) than most jobs in the music industry that I’ve seen to date. There is no shortage of creativity or ambition and I cannot begin to describe the level of responsibility that a marketing intern is held accountable for. This isn’t rushing uptown Manhattan to get a (insert any given indie band here) CD delivered to the Letterman show for a 4:00 taping. This is having a central role in developing and executing brand strategies; this is a higher level of thinking.

While all of that mundane errand-running and grunt work was a ton of fun (what 20-year-old wouldn’t want to spend a summer hanging out in Manhattan?), it isn’t why I wanted to get into the music business. I have the background and the ambition to help guide the music industry through a tough time. You can’t do that when you’re struggling to prove yourself as a mail boy and working your way up. Starting at the bottom is part of any great job – but not like that. The level of responsibility I just described as a marketing intern at Cadbury – THAT is Cadbury’s bottom. When you put the two side by side it’s fairly easy to see which position serves as the better learning experience. Not to mention that the Cadbury I saw last Wednesday was FUN. Amazing office, AMAZING people, and amazing work. Sounds like a great summer to me, don’t you think? 

The skills and knowledge that you develop working at a place like Cadbury are certainly not limited to consumer packaged goods either. When it comes to opening doors and future opportunities, a year at Cadbury is worth a hell of a lot more than 5 years at any given label; of that I am certain. A brand is a brand, regardless of whether it’s chocolate, gum, or an established artist. While each must be approached in a unique way given specific customer and business conditions, they are all objects and ideas with a single goal: to reach as many people as possible. The message that I am trying to get across here is that work experience at a place like Cadbury may be exactly what I need in order to find a meaningful top-level role in the music industry that allows me to really contribute something important. 

There is much more that I could and would like to say about my own experiences in the music industry over the past couple of years (some really great, some really bad), but it’s best to stop here. I love music and I love the business behind it. And so music business, this is not goodbye; this is merely bye for now. We will meet again, I’m sure, whether it is a year, 5 years, or 20 years from now.

“…strange things happen all the time. And so it goes, and so it goes. And the book says, ‘we may be through with the past, but the past ain’t through with us.”

Add to the list of costumes that receive no points for originality

• hooters girl
• princess
• angel/fairy
• ceiling fan (sorry marc)
• little red riding hood
• the joker
• cowboy/girl (wearing a plaid shirt doesn’t make you a cowboy)

60% of the costumes I saw last night fell into these categories

Yes, just like everyone else, I love this song. It still has the same resounding effect every time someone puts it on about 45 minutes into a playlist at a party.

While I think that anyone who uses their hands to imitate the gunshot and cash register sounds during the chorus looks like a total ass (see image above), I have a very important question. 

Everyone knows what to do with the gunshot sound (make a little gun with your thumb and index finger and shoot it in time with the song). But, I saw at least five different ways of imitating the cash register sound last night (all of them done by girls looking up at the ceiling with pursed lips). Which is the right one?

It is absolutely the most perfect afternoon to grab some Pizza Hut and throw on Jerry Maguire.

No matter how many times I’ve seen it, I will always come back to this movie at least once a year. It has EVERYTHING I look for in a film: comedy, a wicked/believable romance, a middle-aged guy trying to come to terms with his place in the world, and Tom Petty’s “Free Fallin’.” 

Other movies to consider watching on an autumn afternoon when school and other responsibilities can be put off for a day:

• The Life Aquatic
• Pulp Fiction
• Magnolia
• There Will Be Blood
• Annie Hall
• American Beauty

Any other recommendations? 

EDIT: …$17 for a medium stuffed-crust pizza. really pizza hut?

Bloc Party’s new album “Intimacy” (released digitally in August) is finally seeing its physical release today. Included on the physical release are two new tracks.

Check out the stronger of the two, “Letter To My Son” , below. I’m really enjoying it. It’s definitely the closest they’ve come to achieving the same kind of raw sound that made everyone fall in love with “Silent Alarm”. 

I’ve been missing this kind of Bloc Party for quite some time now.